Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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