You're a womanizer and a bitch.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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