so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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