he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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