How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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