i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
