but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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