"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
