mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Help. Why am I so naked?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
