my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Farmville is her only friend.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize