This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
