what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize