You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
