woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
