what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
