Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
