Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
