As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
