Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
