Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
