We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize