Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
...so i touched it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
