We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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