I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
