I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
