Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
