DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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