they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
