...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Holy shit dude........stairs
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
