Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
