For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dignity is for republicans.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
