did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
