i just had sex bonerless
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
