just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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