I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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