My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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