Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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