i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
