im gay
i know
yea but for you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
