he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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