so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need to sanitize my soul.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
