Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize