I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
