he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
