did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
