You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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