fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
