My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
