I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
