I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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