I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
