I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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