just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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