the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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