I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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