if i can run in heels then i can drive
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
