you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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