I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
