Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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