2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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