I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
