The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
