I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize