you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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