pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
