I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
