Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
tell me about the eggs
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