:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
