No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
