We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
