We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
