she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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