1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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