Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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