i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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