you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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