Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just found a bag of teeth...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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