I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
