When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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