i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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