A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
