Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize