I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
