dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
