u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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