he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
