I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
