she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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