Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
