Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
