we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
