you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
