my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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