I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dear god my vagina.
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