member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
