Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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