I faked an abortion last night.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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