life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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